I have been feeling so grateful this week as some exciting things in my business are happening and it brought me back to remembering the time when I thought it would NEVER happen.
For the past 5 years I have been trying to run my business with small toddlers at home, a deployed spouse, moving 4 times (yes 4 times in 5 years). I often felt like I was either rocking my business and failing my family or rocking my family life and letting my business suffer. The guilt was out of control!
I can't tell you how many times I felt like everyone was having their careers take off and here I was changing diapers and losing my mind all wishing I could be them. I cried on the floor of my office many times, and decided to throw in the towel even more than that. I can't tell you how many times I posted on my facebook "I quit! I'm done, I can't do it!"
I tried everything, from hiring help, to folders and binders, all sorts of organizational programs and even accountability partners. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't make it all work. What IS wrong with me? I thought. I'm just not good at this, I guess I'm just not wired to get the laundry done and make dinner. I fed my family dino nuggets 5 nights this week and yet I still am drowning? What gives?!
Every now and then I'd have good weeks, I'd get on kick and feel like I was on a rolling and then bam- a kid would get sick, my hubby's schedule would change and It would throw me off again.
I was constantly apologizing to everyone; to my customers for not getting their orders out on time, to my husband for being grumpy, to my kids for snapping at them. I felt like I spent more time apologizing than anything else
I wanted to ENJOY my kids and this season but truly I wasn't. I wanted to ENJOY running a business. I was hesitant to open my inbox because it was someone asking where their order was or requesting something else.
I was so annoyed because people wanted to buy things from me? HA who does that? Then I'd feel like a huge jerk for complaining. "Gosh, It's just SO hard when people want to pay you money for things". I mean really.... it was bad folks.
SO If this is you, if you feel pulled in 20 directions and find yourself not enjoying much of this season in your life, listen to the follow statement I heard from Creative entrepreneur, Jennifer Allwood,
"Honor the Season you are in and God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams"
It resonated so deeply with me, and I instantly realized what I needed to do. My season was being a mom to my young kids. That was my purpose. God gave me these beautiful blessings and all I kept thinking was how can I get them to leave me along long enough to finish and order. How awful was that?
I realized I was going to miss this brief moment in time it if I didn't pull myself out of it and take a step back. I decided right then to give myself grace and allow myself to take a step back. I didn't need to do it all and prove anything to anyone. I disabled my Facebook business page for several months. It was challenging but I felt a HUGE weight lifted as soon as I hit "unpublish".
We didn't require the money, though yes things got tighter. You're kids are only young once, they only will want you to sing them 12 songs, and kiss their boo boo's, and read them "Goodnight Moon" 5 times every night for so long. Look at every mom of teens or adult kids what do they say when you're fighting your toddler in the aisle of Target- "oooh they grow up so fast!" "Don't Blink" "I miss those days". What?! You miss this?! You can HAVE this lady because I am SO DONE! Haha.
My youngest starts kinder this week and I'm not going to lie I am stinkin' thrilled!! HA!
But I also know that I it's alright to feel that way, I can be confident in sending him off into the world because I took my step back, I decided to devote my time to him. I enjoyed or mostly enjoyed every little moment (minus those tantrums), I took the time to love and kiss and cuddle and waste 3 hours watching Octonauts together instead of working on orders. I also have an awesome 8 year old but he's been in school a few years now so know I didn't leave him out!
There were plenty of random ice cream trips after school, or park days and adventures with him too. Look, you will NEVER regret making time for your kids, ever. You'll never look back on their little years and think "Man I wish I would have worked more.
If you HAVE to work then by all means, go for it, I'm not saying to give up your job completely but if you are STRUGGLING with kid time or work time, just give yourself grace. Know that your work will still be there, people will still want your one of a kind creations. You, my dear, are a creative genius, you WILL come up with more ideas and life will NOT pass you by, you will end up being blessed beyond your wildest dreams!!
I love this quote below. It's so perfect, Trust in God and HIS timing and you will see the big picture. Your break is not a closed door, it's part of a path to a bigger plan!
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